NO ONE HURT OR UNHURT

It is a gratifying fact, and shows the most praiseworthy management and care on the part of establishment owners, that not a man was killed or materially hurt or unhurt in the recent celebrations in the pub located southwest of Yorkness Town during an astounding show by PENNY WHISKEY. It seems almost incredible that such an immense crowd could be contained In such a frenzy as was whipped up, to such a degree that even after turning off the lights, and making loud bleating noises into the microphone in a Vain attempt to drive the revelers home, that no one paid the slightest Bit of Attention, and in fact began a rousing chant of "BRING THE PIRATES TO THE FORE"; possibly a reference to the band in an attempt for an encore, a lynching, or both.

A Bagpiper in the crowd, realizing the fever pitch of excitement and sensing the management’s growing distress at the noise, furtive fondlings, and breaking glass, leapt to the stage and enchanted the masses with a cacophonic howl emanating from his tool of trade, and, beckoning Furiously with his elbows while he blew ferociously into his mighty chanter, led the party go-ers out the door and down the Street, allowing the band PENNY WHISKEY to escape unscathed through a rabbit hole behind the stage and allowing the owners to finally bolt the doors and phone their Insurance Providers. The current where-abouts of the piper or the Crowds is unkn own at this time: they were last seen rounding the corner of Fifth and Pike, approaching the wharf, singing loudly and decidedly off key to songs that had no resemblance or Connection whatsoever to what the brave piper was playing. Shortly afterwards several vehicles were observed speeding to that location containing various peoples of the local constabulary. No further word has been received.

 

 

 

Hi Everyone!  If you didn't see it on the front page, we are trying

to stay OUT of jail and you can help!! Just go here and do your

part to keep us from having to resort to thievery! 

Our new CD "Too Dangerous" is already in the works, but we have

to pay for it somehow. We really don't want to rob a bank, so help us if you can.
Thanks for your support!

 

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Here's a special treat for all the

old Kilbrannan fans.

Please feel free to leave a comment

at the site!!
Thanks!
 

"Mary Mack"

 

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Irish Fight.

Just before the train started to cross the Portage Bridge last Saturday, the open cars were occupied mostly by Irish workmen about the Bridge. The Bridge hands, who probably felt a little above the dirt hands, claimed the front car, and a general fight ensued in which twenty or thirty were engaged, first on the car, then on the ground. Several were more or less bruised, and one, a ringleader had his head badly cut with a stone. The fight was finally quelled, and most of them crawled back upon the cars; but not without various significant side nods of the head and lowering of the brows.

~ Wyoming County Mirror August 17-1852

REGRETTABLE

INCIDENT:
 An eastern State notable reportedly fell from the OldMan’s Bridge one night last week, and was reportedly killed. He was kept there underguard, and it is said he was partly intoxicated, and had probably been asleep when he fell. Further News on his whereabouts are unknown at the time of this printing and though there have been no further sightings or phone calls to his mom, as we have heard no more about it, we think probably it was not so.
 

 

*All news here, be it true, implied or virtually without redeeming qualities whatsoever are here only because we knew you would read it.

Copyright ©2006 Penny Whiskey. All rights reserved.